welcome i guess

so, i decided to use this as a journal. i don't know why someone would read this, but if someone does it, then hi.

i should decorate this page but i'm too lazy to do it now, i'll probably do it another day.

about me

i'm into true crime community. i'm a aries.

journal entries

20/05/20. [02:36am]

i've been depressed all the entire day and it fucking sucks. i literally feel so pathetic. today, i had a three hours nap and that wasn't enough to stop thinking about how stupid and meaningless is my life. i feel so pathetic writing this to strange people, but i really don't have anyone to hear me. i don't have friends in real life and i don't wanna annoy my virtual friends and also they never take me seriously. i'm fucking annoying oh god

i don't know how to say how much i fucking hate myself. i feel like a damaged sould trying to find his place in the earth, even when i know i will never find it i keep trying because i feel so fucking alone and i really wanna give myself a chance to get out of this depressive hell.

the fact that i exist is fucking disgusting. i hate it. i really fucking hate it. i'm probably annoying everyone for keep writing how much i wanna die. i'm sorry.

20/05/20 [11:07pm]

i became obsessed with losing weight. i think it's because i feel really bad about how my body looks.

11:11 i wanna be happy please

22/05/20 [2:15am]

hey. today i learned love fucking sucks. don't fall in love kids, do drugs.

yesterday was full of rage and stress, but i tried to manage it. i really tried, i swear.

by the way, i wanna blow up my brain with a shotgun. it would be so cool, omg, imagine being dead! i would be so happy. dead people are so lucky they don't have to be alive in this world full of fucking idiots.

everyday i wake up thinking about how cute it would be seeing my whole head destroyed with my brain also destroyed in all the room. so cute.

4/6/20

hey. it's been a while since i don't write something here. my life is worse now, sadly i'm not dead yet.

i'm too lazy to write something. fuck off.

20/6/20

hey. it's been a while since i updated my page. well, things didn't change at all since the last time i wrote something, let me tell y'all.

my house started to give me anxiety, that made me go to sleep in my grandma's house or my aunt's house. i don't feel safe, it's torturing me and keeping myself in four walls of sadness is driving me crazy. also, covid19 fucked up my country, lmao. i'm laughing to avoid crying. today i have to sleep in my house yes or yes, i'm hella nervous and i kinda wanna cry.

some good news? well, things in my house are slowly getting better. i bought a lot of cool things and also i received some money, i almost wasted everything lol. i became a codename cure player, and damn, that game is soooooo freaking good. i love it. y'all should try it, if u love zombie games u will probably have an obssesion. it's free on steam! try it and tell me what you think about it. also, i started having less rage attacks and i learned how to keep calm.

07/07/20 [03:27 p.m.]

hey, how's everyone doing?

remember when i said everything is getting slowly better? well, now i fucked up all these things with my stupid, childish and insecure personality. i became more aggressive than i used to be. to be honest, idk what to do with my life anymore, i just want to be gone, i wish i never existed. i wish i could avoid my entire life and problems, but this is sadly real life and i can't do nothing about it. every breath i take makes me feel anxious, it feels like i'm real and that gives me hatred. it gives me rage. being real gives me rage. i feel like im no one, im nothing, im worthless. i feel like i will never reach my goals and dreams, i will be a failure all my entire life and i will never be able to do something about it, i feel like im fucking drowning and every single day i wish everything was a dream and i was really happy, i wish that i was worth it. i wish i was something to my family, i wish i could make them be proud of me. but i'm just a disease. i'm just a fragile, useless and sensitive little kid.

i have no money, i have no friends, i have no happiness, i have no goals, i have no dreams, why? what did i do to deseve this? WHY? i just wanna be fucking happy, im tired of all of this, i just cant handle this shit anymore. every single day i feel like i will never have a reason to live, my life losses sense every single second of the day, and when i try to make things better what do i receive? MORE FUCKING PAIN, MORE FUCKING PROBLEMS, GOD DAMN WHY?

i started to self harm. its a addiction now. i just cant stop it, feeling the metal on my flesh and oppening it is freaking hot. i wanna see myself bleeding. i do self harm to see if i still feel something, but i dont. i keep trying to feel physical pain but i dont.

goodbye.

rage

YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE?!??!?!?!?! PEOPLE!! UGHHH EVERYONE IS SO LOUD AND ANNOYING SHUT THE FUCK UP. i wanna blow up everyone's brain with a shotgun so they finally shut the fuck up. everyone is so disgusting and stupid, always bitching and crying for everything LIKE ME!!! UGHHHH!! SO DISGUSTING!!!

YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE?!?!?!? SCHOOL!! that shit is full of fake bitches and boys that think they own all these stupid bitches. i would sell my soul to shoot up and burn that stupid place. i wanna see everyone suffer and cry for me to stop and then blow up their brains. i hate everyone in that school, every single person. DIE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE?!?!?!?!?! TEACHERS!!!! they think we gonna understand everything they say at first try. they also think school work is easier now because we can do it with a computer. BUT IT'S NOT. THEY KEEP STRESSING US AND MAKING US FEEL FUCKING DEPRESSED. I HATE THEM. I REALLY HATE THEM. that's isn't the only reason of why i hate them. I'M GONNA BLOW UP THEIR STUPID BRAIN ONE DAY.